There is a part of perimenopause that we do not talk about enough, and that is the anger.

Not the mild irritation. Not the “I am a bit snappy today” kind of thing. I mean the rage that can come up from somewhere deep in the body and leave you standing there afterwards thinking, what on earth just happened to me?

I don’t like admitting this, but there were times in perimenopause where I screamed at my poor daughters and afterwards I had a sore throat for three days. It was awful. Not just the screaming itself, but the shame that came afterwards. I remember thinking, who am I becoming? Why can I not hold myself together like I used to?

And as always, things make more sense in hindsight.

At the time, I did not know that rage could be part of perimenopause. I had heard about hot flushes, cycle changes, sleep problems, weight changes and all the usual things women are told to expect. But I had not heard enough women speak honestly about the sudden fire in the body. The absolute intolerance for things we had tolerated for years. The feeling of being done in a way that is not polite, convenient or easy to explain.

When rage comes through, shame is often the first place we go

I want to say this carefully, because I am not saying it is okay to scream at the people we love. It isn’t. Repair matters. Taking responsibility matters. Our daughters, partners, friends, clients and communities are not there to receive all the things we have swallowed for decades.

But I also think we need a more honest conversation about female anger.

Most of us have been trained to be so uncomfortable with anger that the moment it comes through, we immediately make ourselves wrong. We think we are failing. We think we are becoming difficult. We think we are losing ourselves.

But what if some of this anger is not here because something is wrong with us?

What if some of it is information?

What I have observed in myself and in the women around 50 I work with, is that this anger is often part of a much bigger process. It can be messy and inconvenient, but I do not think it is always random. I think for many women it is deeply connected with the calling emerging.

Because stepping into the next chapter has a lot to do with finding our voice. It has a lot to do with allowing ourselves to take up more space. And I know even those words can make us cringe a little, because “finding your voice” and “taking up space” can sound like something printed on a mug. But underneath the overused language, there is something very real.

So many of us have spent decades being good, kind, useful, available, understanding, flexible, not too demanding, not too loud, not too needy, not too much. We have adjusted ourselves in so many ways that we often do not even notice anymore.

And then somewhere around this threshold, the body starts saying no.

The 50 threshold and the collective fuck-it moment

This is exactly why I love this 50 threshold so much.

Because I can feel that women are collectively having their fuck-it moment. Not in a reckless way. Not in a way where we suddenly stop caring about everyone around us. More in a way where we finally realise that being endlessly nice has not made us free. Being easy to deal with has not made us fulfilled. Keeping the peace has often meant keeping ourselves quiet.

And I think the anger can be part of the purge.

The purge of people pleasing. The purge of codependency. The purge of all the times we said “it’s fine” when it was not fine at all. The purge of carrying everyone else’s feelings and calling it love.

That does not mean we have to become harsh or cold. I do not want that either. I love women’s softness. I love our capacity to care, to feel, to hold, to nurture, to see the layers. But I do not think softness was ever meant to come at the cost of our truth.

There is something that happens around 50, if we allow it. Something starts getting clearer. Not always gently, I will be honest. Sometimes it starts with exhaustion. Sometimes with rage. Sometimes with the uncomfortable feeling that the life or business we built is suddenly too small.

But underneath all of that, there is often a deeper knowing beginning to rise.

A sense that we are not done.

A sense that there is something we are here to do with everything we have lived.

A sense that we cannot keep performing the old version of ourselves just because everyone is used to her.

Your calling may be closer than you think

This is where I think our calling starts to come online in a different way.

Not as a shiny business idea. Not as another project to force into an already full life. More like a responsibility to our own life. A desire to give back. To share what we know. To lead ourselves first, and maybe other women too, not from a pedestal, but from lived experience.

That is not selfish.

We have been told that women choosing themselves is selfish. Women wanting more is selfish. Women taking up space is selfish. Women listening to their own inner voice is selfish. And honestly, that has kept far too many wise women quiet for far too long.

Because when a woman starts entering herself, really entering herself, she becomes more honest. And that honesty changes things. It changes the way she mothers. It changes the way she works. It changes the way she speaks. It changes what she accepts. It changes what she creates.

And to me, that is legacy.

Not legacy in a money way. Not legacy as in building an empire for the sake of being seen. I mean legacy as in, did your life touch other lives? Did your voice make another woman feel less alone? Did your work create a ripple? Did your lived experience become useful for someone else? Did you leave something behind that made this world a little bit better because you were brave enough to become more yourself?

So if rage has been coming through for you, please don’t immediately make yourself wrong for it.

Be responsible with it, yes. Get support if you need it, yes. Apologise when you need to, yes. But also listen. Because there may be something underneath it that has been trying to get your attention for a very long time.

Maybe it is not here to ruin your life.

Maybe it is here because the good girl has done her job, and now the woman with a voice needs to come forward.

If you would like support with finding your voice, your space and your role in this next chapter, start with The 50 Threshold. Let’s look at what is coming online for you now.

Much love, Sharonah x