The Shadow Side of Perfectionism

By the time we reach our forties and fifties, most of us have had enough encounters with perfectionism to know how much it can weigh us down. It whispers: “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.”

That voice doesn’t come from nowhere. As women, we’ve been conditioned to hold ourselves to impossible standards — in our appearance, our roles, our work. And in business, this shows up as self-judgement, hesitation, and a painful pressure to always get it right. Instead of moving forward, perfectionism can leave us paralysed, endlessly polishing the draft, the offer, the website, until nothing ever gets shared.

But here’s the truth: perfectionism itself isn’t the real problem. It’s how we’ve been taught to use it against ourselves.

Perfection as a Creative Force

Perfection, at its heart, is not about judgment. It’s about integrity. It’s about noticing the details that could be refined, the touches that elevate something from ordinary to extraordinary.

Think of the last time you were at a restaurant or hotel where everything was “fine.” Now imagine how just a little more thoughtfulness, a touch more care, could have made the experience truly unforgettable. That’s perfection as a gift. Not something that paralyses you, but something that makes your work more aligned, more soulful, more impactful.

As entrepreneurs, this is where our power lies. There are moments when done is better than perfect — like finally publishing the book you’ve edited for the hundredth time. But there are also moments when leaning into refinement allows us to create magic, to turn customer experiences into something that resonates deeply and leaves a lasting impression.

The Path of Integrity and Evolution

Perimenopause brings with it an invitation to step into a new phase of leadership. Our energy changes, our focus shifts, and suddenly we no longer have the capacity to waste energy on self-criticism. What once kept us stuck — perfectionism as judgment — can be transformed into a strength: perfection as integrity and refinement.

This isn’t about rushing to meet patriarchal standards of success. It’s about allowing your business, your creativity, and yourself to evolve over time. To share what you have now, and to trust that it will continue to refine as you grow.

And here’s what helped me personally: discovering Human Design. When I first pulled my chart, it was like someone switched on a light in a dark corridor. It showed me where my natural genius lives, where I can stop wasting energy trying to “fix” myself, and where I can lean in to refine what’s already strong. That kind of freedom is life-changing.

So here’s the reframe: you don’t need fixing. You’re already whole. Perfection is not your prison — it’s your creative gift. Use it with curiosity, not judgment, and it will become a powerful ally in both life and business.

Much love

Sharonah x